Bear on Bitches #1

Bear says adapt to your enviroment, bitches love it... When in Logan, do as the Logans do

Despite what you may think from the name of this column, this isn't going to be similar to Ringo's Rant, but it will be a forum on the ups & downs, smiles & frowns of women, chicks, bitches as a whole.

Over the years I have hooked up with a couple of chicks in my time, but have been fortunate enough not to have been struck down by any unwanted diseases. But finally it happened, I'm not sure how exactly or from whom, but I got the one that chicks are carriers, Chicken Pox. Its sure is nasty, it makes you look like you have been with $5 hooker from Bali.....hmm maybe thats what it was....but I digress. These chicks sometimes don't even know they are carrying the disease but as they go around hooking up with man after man they leave a path of destruction behind them that a middle eastern terrorist would be proud of.

Realistically I blame my childhood for not being a big enough boy whore with all the hill billies from the outback and getting it out of the way earlier, so as not to cause as much damage as it has in my pimping days. But I will live on to fight another day only slighty more deformed than before.

For all the men out there, even if you have already had the fight with the chicken, watch out coz thoses bitches are out to get you!

Boris The Bear.

G-Dog Da Kiwi #1 - Union

Introducing the latest column, G-Dogs Kiwi Facts.

Surf Parks Resident Refugee (AKA Illegal Immigrant) G-Dog will present a bunch of useless kiwi information about his homeland.

This week the Dog presents 5 Facts about the All Blacks, the national team of the inferior code of Rugby, Union. Still it is far, far greater than AFL, the game of the deep south.

1. The All Blacks name comes from the 1905 British tour where the New Zealand team revolutionised rugby by running the ball more than kicking. They turned down kicks at goal to score tries which was unheard of at the time. A British journalist was writing about the team which seemed to consist of 'All Backs' but misspelt it as 'All Blacks'. The name stuck.

2. NZ and Australia have played 123 tests against each other. The All Blacks have won 81 and Australia 37 with 5 draws. But you bastards have won 10 of the last 18. (Ed - Thats cause we play League here)

3. One of the most successful All Black teams was the 1924 'Invincibles'. They embarked on a 36 match overseas tour spanning 7 months in July 1924. After losing their first game to NSW they then proceeded to win their next 35 games in a row in Australia, England, Wales, Ireland, France and Canada. (ed - NSW, still the worlds greatest)

4. There has been an All Black by the name of Bernard Fanning.
'Bernie' Fanning played in two tests, one in 1903 against Australia and one against Great Britain in 1904. He played in 56 games for Canterbury and was a Blacksmith by trade.

5. The Haka's official translation is as follows:
Slap the hands against the thighs
Puff out the chest
Bend the knees
Let the hip follow
Stamp the feet as hard as you can.
It is death! It is death!
It is life! It is life!
This is the hairy person
Who caused the sun to shine
Keep abreast! Keep abreast
The rank! Hold fast!
Into the sun that shines! (Ed - Kiwi Genius at its Best)

Comin up next week: New Zealand Music (5 Facts about Shihad)

Ringo's Rant #1

After years of late night drunken rants I finally have a stage to deliver my gibberish to the masses. Alas my first rant was almost ruined before it started after my first day back at uni ensured i was far too happy to rant, due largely to the ready supply of tidy 18 year old first year stunners walking around. But sure enough the fire in my belly (pud) was sparked tonight on the back of some poor reffering and that little extemely unfunny bastard Rove ( he always pisses me off).

So enough crap and lets get to it! I dedicate my first rant to all the Bundy xxxx gold drinkin poofters (CDRGG boys). When the fuck is Dizzy Gillespie going to get a recall in to the Australian cricket team? That Mick Lewis cunt has overstayed his welcome and let me tell you he has been damn well useless! Don't use that excuse Dizzy is too old or passed it cause Lewis is older. Dizzy is back baby and he's bowling like a man possesed ( not quite as good as Binger but definately better then Lewis or Kaspa-myth) get Dizzy to South Africa I say we need the mullet back! I defie anyone to tell me they dont miss him.

Signing off I'm Ringo and remember, stay cranky GC.


Yes that's you CDRGG Homo's!

Winny's Spewing Adventures #1

A brand new column to Surf Park Adventures is Winny's Spewing Adventures. Peter Winmill will show you some of his favourite spews captured by his mobile phone, and talk you through the stories behind them.

It had only been a week after i had found fat in the bathroom pissing on himself and then pouring jiff on his wang to clean it up, only to end up with multiple burns, that i entered to find him hugging the bowl in the nude, and using my instincts i grabbed my phone to capture an awesome golden cat that he had well deserved after a huge night at melbas.

Winny.

SP Profile #2 - Jordo

What are you trying to say pirate? Jordo a mess (right) dreaming of a bit of KH.

This week we profile Jordo, Surf Park Foundation and Alumni member.

AKA: Hoi Hoi this is Jordo

Status: Searching for life partner

Teams: Broncos, QLD Maroons, QLD Reds, QLD Bulls (anything QLD) Australian Cricket Team

Beer of Choice: TED's or Guniness, Bundaberg Rum

Random Fact: Has never seen the Broncos win live (13 losses and counting)

Sports Heros: Andrew Symonds, Shane Webke

Known For: Organising Stuff, Having a plan for everything, Sending Flowers to his girlfriends, wanting to boof Andrew Symonds

Been Heard Saying: “She's not my f*cking Missus" several times

Once got so drunk that: He woke up naked next to Mossley, beleiving he had hooked up with a glamour. Figured out why the "girl" was so keen on fingering his ass the night before.

By Day: Works for Bundy Rum, Southport 5th Grade Cricket Captain

Acquired Skills: Girlfriend Skills (girlfriends love boyfriends with skills), Organisational/Planning Skills


See the light in those eyes? Post Surf Club Crawl Jordo had his eyes on the prize.
Later on he had more then his eyes on the prize. With Winny and toots

Bear v Chicken

Fuelled by the angry mans drink Bundy Rum, Boris the Bear thought he would pick a fight with a Chicken at Fisho's on Sunday arvo.

vs
Mundine v Green aint got nuttin on this bout

Well it was never the Jakie Chan scene that Bear thought it could have been, the chicken pummeled him and gave him a dose of Pox for good measure.


Is chicken pox an STD? I knew I should have wrapped up in th Gabba dunnies!

Boris the Bears Bitches Tip for the week: Stay away from Bitches with Spots. Surf Parks tip of the week, stay away from Boris the Bear

Boobs

Hey kids, plenty off logging in lately, but not too many updates to keep y'all interested. So here's a pic that should keep a few of you looking around a bit longer.


Can I Show this picture? A few of the surf park original alumni with pirate and ringo

Now I know you aren't reading this and still staring at the boobies so I am going to head off and prepare for the big weekend a head. In true surf park style we will all be getting blind. Come back later for the inaugural Ringo's Rant, a second member profile, pirates pea heart of the week, and updates on the weekend of debauchery.

Pirate's Propaganda #1 - Don't No Ball Me - Includes Pirate's Pea Heart

"Dont no ball me!"


Speed and cricket don't mix

So the Victor Bravo Series has come and gone once again. The Aussies were pushed to a 3rd game for the first time in upteen years, yet walked away winners once again.

My highlight of the series was seeing Murali getting spanked all around the park for the worst ODI figures of 0/99, with the Sydney crowd chanting 'no ball' with every delivery. Murali has stated that this will be his last tour of Australia due to the crowd heclking him. Personally I am dissapointed, because this year the Aussies played the Saffas at the Gabba and I missed out on my chance to join in the 'no ball' chants at the google-eyed Tamil

Murali needs to grow a thicker skin, sportspeople in any professional code are heckled when playing at an oppositions home ground. Brett Lee copped it from the Barmy Army recently, Wally Lewis received the (and deservedly so) "Wallys a Wanker" in NSW and even from his home crowd at Seagulls games. Does he expect we roll out the red carpet for him, doctor our pitches in his favour and field a Bangladesh quality batting line up like he receives back home where he has taken the majority of his wickets? The ICC has already changed the laws of the game for you, what more do you want?

For those sympathisers with excuses "he cant straighten his arm" or "he passsed testing at UWA" you must be on drugs to beleive he would bowl with the same "match" action when under such testing and scrutiny. Already a bunch of holy than thou fools have come out in support of Murali, including Peter Roebuck (the hack journo who wanted Lee out of the side this summer, and claimed Lee may one day kill someone) and that toff Mark Nicholas. How come your not getting behind Andre Botha? His action is no worse the Murali's.

So piss of Murali you little sook, you have been awarded the first ever Pirates Pea Heart of the Week Award! For your effort our sponsors at bunnings and kleenex have kindly donated you these great gifts.

'Sup?

What's Up? Hey you wanna dance? You Do? You Don't? Alright Take it easy....



So you come here often? A few of you must, over 130 hits in a couple of days! Impressive, tell your friends, leave a comment, feel free to abuse us and talk some smack.

Anyway tonight a few of the crew are going to test out how worthwhile our HECS debts are by hitting up a trivia night at the courthouse hotel. Should be a worth a few laughs, topped of with some ice cold schooners of New to fight off this god damn Gold Coast humidity.



Pic of the Day, Drunks at the cricket in Jan. Ringo, Pops, Seppo, Pirate, Cheif, Boris, Toilet Chick, Fit Leary

Props out to Pops and Zelda for the comments.

Pic of the Day

Nothing new learnt here, just a reminder.

Timmah

Timmah didn't get a rating for the surf club crawl as we didn't see him a great deal over day. I think this picture sums up his day



What a good ChCh girl!

SP Profile #1 - Ringo

SP Profile

RINGO – The only surviving foundation resident of surf park

AKA: Pud

Status: Extremely Single

Teams: Raiders, NSW Blues, Sydney FC, Leeds Utd

Beer of Choice: Tooheys New, Carona Extra (When rich over summer)

Random Fact: Walks with a “gay” hand when very drunk

Known for: Ranting gibberish when drunk, the ability to break anything

Sports Hero's: Laurie Daley, Ricky Stuart, Ruben Wiki, Alan Tounge

Been Heard Saying:
“I’m in a great place in my life right now” – BDO 06
“You were right, I was wrong (AFL IS A CRAP GAME)” – Nov 05

Once got so drunk that: He passed out in Surfers and used a palm leaf as a blanket

By Day: Stinking Student Lamo – GUGC

Acquired Skills: Gay Hand Skills, Ranting Skills, Accidental Breakage Skills, Stair Surfing Skills

The Aftermath

It has come and gone, the annual Surf Club crawl to celebrate the birthdays of Ringo, Borris and Jordo. Departing from Kurrawa and heading south to Rainbow Bay and crawling back up the coast via Greenmount, Tugun, Palm Beach and Mermaid SLSC's. The SP community utalised it's drinking skills to get through the day, some better then others.

Here's a member by member run down: Napoleon Dynamite Skills Ratings included

Robbo (country associate member): The old man talked up his stamina skills, after being caught cheating by drinking GOLD for his first drink by the Pirate Robbo faded quicker then the Reds S14 Season and was first man home. Moral of the story, Queenslanders cant handle real beer!
Skills Used: Sleeping Skills

Ringo (foundation member): Ringo likes to get drunk, whats wrong with that as long as his liver feels good? Ringo got drunk and managed to get half the touring party ejected with this doozy "there's plenty other pubs who will drink our drinks" at Mermaid SLSC. Ejected from Mermaid Tav for poor dress code Ringo crept off into the night never to be seen again.
Skills Used: Ranting Skills, Bouncer Irritation Skills, Punting Skills

Boris (member): The sneaky Russian will need to buy a new belt if he keeps his current strike rate going, that thing has more holes then the Rabbitohs defensive line. Last spotted with a thong taped to his foot at Mermaid the bear headed home to change for a night on surfers nightclubs tiles never to be spotted again.
Skills Used: Thong repair skills, Bedroom Skills

Winny (Alumni): Arriving late at some point in time the rice man probably put away a few rums. Hit surfers and seduced a pole in rosie with some nice dance moves.
Skills Used: Pissing in the shower skills, pole dancing skills

Chief (alumni): Piddick likes to get drunk and usualy does a good job. Not sure about his effort this weekend, the lack of the Piddick stagger was a concern for all of the community. Is there still a fire in this mans belly, is retirement immanent, or is it the preseason cobwebs? At least Liverpool won, c*nts!
Skills Used: Missing the Taxi skills

G-Dog (refugee): One of the drunkest men on the Gold Coast at the moment the Dog wouldn't let a serious bout of asthma stop him from giving a serious dig. Solid effort from the Kiwi with a late night visitor to top it off!
Skills Used: Not dying skills, Warnie Skills, punting skills

Jordo (alumni): The event director didnt let anyone down, another well run piss-up. Got himself smashed and staggered all over the joint. Nearly fulfilled one of his fantasies with a certain KH coming over for a late night stop over!
Skills Used: Leading Skills, KH Handling skills

Toots (associate): Toots Le Lay the official photographer for surfparkadventures.blogspot.com put in another solid effort. After nearly passing out on the way into town Tits Megee regathered her composure by downing copious amounts of booze at the Rose.
Skills Used: stamina skills, camera skills

Pirate (non resident member): The pirate likes to get drunk, he taught the old queenslander a lesson in how to drink real beer. Last spotted staggering down the GC highway at 3:30am with trademark powerade in hand before hailing a lift with a radnom punter by yelling in his car window.
Skills Used; stamina skills, hitch-hiking skills, urinating on the street skills, punting skills


Got to Have Skills! Punting Skills! Our Liam gets up at 9-1
L-R: Pirate, Winny, Chief, Ringo, Robbo, G-Dog


A few of the toots on tour
L-R Charms, Cass, Wardy, Shelle, Toots

Friday Night

The weekend started with a Friday night warm up session at the spiritual home of texas hold em poker Surf Park. A night of upsets was to follow with Pup unable to save the Aussies against Mr No Ball's Lankans and FOT in denial Mrs White taking out the poker tournament.

Pirate gets raped on the river after going all in - once again.

SP Weekend Diet

Today Is The Day

Today is the day! Surf Club Crawl... Predictions

You will see Mossley doing this tommorow!



Cough Cough, Spew!

OKAY!

Crawl

This weekend brings up the Second Annual Gold Coast Surf Club Crawl, it's a celebration bitches! The idiots from Surf Park get a bus, load it up full of booze and head down to the motherland (NSW) and drink their way back up the coast. Along the way there will laughs, sculling, blood, sweat, tears and the occasional spew.

Guests of all ages and from all corners of the globe converge on the Coast for this infamous event. A warm up session will be held at Surf Park Friday evening to get the drinking organs warmed up, Toto Africa will crank out of the iPod, towlie will make an appearance and old man robbo will raise the stakes in poker by 1 chip.

The camera will be on hand to capture the action, for now i will try and post a photo of Surf Park foundation Member Ringo blind at the SA v Aus ODI at the Gabba...

I'm Rick James Bitch!

Welcome Punks

Hey Kids,

Welcome to surfparkadventure.blogspot.com! The official site of the Surf Park Community and Associates. This page was created to log the rediculous adventures of the crew, and preserve the memories that are so often lost from bouts of alcohol induced amnesia © - Craig Gower 2005.

Let The Good Times Begin!